Prepare yourself for my sappy emotions.
We've been home for a little over a month now but it feels so much longer. It's a little weird because I still haven't completely processed being home and the trip as a whole.
We got back late on Saturday night, went home, unpacked, we both took a hot bath, and painted our toes ( Priorities. right?)
Slept in on Sunday and had a full house that night. It was a nice night of family, food, and fellowship.
Come Monday morning we both jumped right into crazy work and basketball schedules.
The past two or three weeks have been the hardest. I'll see little things that trigger sweet and bitter memories. I don't think it will get an easier. Brazil changed my life. These girls changed my life. I'll never be the same. Brazil will forever hold a spot in my heart.
I miss waking up with my windows wide open, a nice breeze, and just feeling so overwhelmed.
I miss being called "Tia," even if it was being yelled at me!
I miss the frustration and confusion of not understanding the language.
I miss sweet cuddles from my meninas.
I miss soaking in worship.
I miss cleaning butter off the floor.
I miss laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
I miss Nic's Mexican food.
I miss both Billman mamas cookin'.
I miss walking to the little store down the street.
I miss the beach. Man, I miss that beach!!
I miss my Billman families.
I miss street church.
I miss painting fingernails and toenails.
I miss watching TV I didn't understand.
I miss Brazilian fruit. A.K.A Papaya
I miss Johnny's meat. Dude can grill something mean.
I miss my Brazilian family
I even miss all the chaos.
And the list goes on and on...
I think I've been avoiding fully processing the trip cause then I just get this achy-breaky heart feeling. I get bombarded with all sorts of emotions.
I think about Betania on a daily basis. When I saw that they have three new girls my heart was so happy! All I wanted to do was go back and meet them!
I've been asked so many times since we've been back what my favorite part of the trip was and honestly I really, truly can't pick one single moment!
There were just too many moments where I was overwhelmed with love, excitement, compassion, joy, peace, understanding, forgiveness, hope, grace, and mercy. That list is full of words that represent something good. But even a good thing can cause pain. Not the kind of pain we are used to but a kind that you can't explain. After experiencing all those things on a heightened level I now I have this painful gut feeling because I can't be there and continue to be with the girls.
I still have those over whelming emotions for them but its just not the same as actually being there with them. Being able to scoop a little one up, squeeze her tight, and tell her you love her. Or bonding with the older ones through pictures on my phone and Google Translate.
What baffles me the most is this question, "So, how was the trip?"
How do I even express how it was without using up hours upon hours of your time?
I don't want to be short and sweet because the trip wasn't short and sweet. Yes, it was short... too short. But it was so much more than just sweet. I could take up 15 minutes of your time just listing off adjectives that define the trip. So just a fair warning, if you really, truly want to hear about my trip then prepare yourself. We could schedule weekly sessions to get it all in! haha.
Back on point. The main message of all of this is for me to begin the processing stage and to express the bitter sweet. I'm home sick being home. Brazil captured my heart and built me a home.
There has been a Brazil seed planted in my heart and it needs to be nourished. Not just Brazil but human trafficking. To truly wrap your mind around sex trafficking you have to gut up and come face to face with it. It is definitely difficult to stomach. I have only been exposed to the tip of the iceberg. A slight glimpse of this terrifying monster.
I don't plan on calling quits and stopping here. That isn't in the Maddie Taylor nature. I'm a go get'r. Sometimes its a blessing and other times a curse! I have a tendency to jump in head first. Biting off more than I could possibly chew. I don't consider it over achieving but trying to make a difference.
Making a change and playing part in the change.
Figuring out how the approach is often difficult but I find a way. My secret is usually via Google! ha.
A great idea is the one stolen and then made your own. But in all seriousness, I want to get back to how I lived in Brazil. I wasn't done living like that when I boarded the plane back to the states. I want to wake up with an eagerness and not knowing what the day holds.
I want to dive into love even if it means being constantly rejected. I want my wants to become needs and my needs to become lifestyle.
-Maddie
You can also check out the Shores Of Grace website to find out more about the mission in Recife.
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